


Saving Kittens Thing

by snapslikethis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Modern Day, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 12:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14618439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapslikethis/pseuds/snapslikethis
Summary: Bleeding heart James Potter does his level best to save seven cats from a terrible fate, but Lily Evans, his heartless monster fiancée, tries to thwart him at every turn. Text fic.





	Saving Kittens Thing

**week one.**

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  no

 _James Potter:_  i haven’t asked a question.

Lily Potter: and yet

 _James Potter:_  but how did u know???

Lily Potter: your 762 cat pictures uploaded to the cloud james

 _James Potter:_  right.

 _James Potter:_  it’s just, hes been hanging around the office for the last two weeks…

 _Lily Evans:_  you don’t even like cats??

 _James Potter:_  but he likes me. 

 _Lily Evans_ : ...

 _James Potter_ : maybe I never liked them bc they were all assholes?

 _James Potter:_  chicken or egg, u know?

 _Lily Evans:_  amazing

 _Lily Evans:_  see u in a few

 _Lily Evans:_  no to cat. yes to takeout for stressing me out

 _James Potter:_  ur stressed? im marrying an unsupportive woman in 7 weeks??

 _Lily Evans:_  *kiss emoji* eggrolls.

 _James Potter:_  yes maam

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter to Lily Evans:_  but look at how CUTE he is

 _Lily Evans:_ no

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter:_  he likes milk

 _Lily Evans:_  impeachment song voice: no. no. no. no. no. nono. nononono.

 _James Potter:_  killjoy! 

 _Lily Evans:_  remember the squirrel

 _James Potter:_  that was one. time.

 _Lily Evans:_  and yet, i have veto power

 _James Potter:_  will u always have veto power? like for the next sixty five years?

 _Lily Evans:_  sixty four. you’re taking a year off my life.

 _James Potter_ : it wasn’t /that bad

 _Lily Evans_ : we had to call professionals in??? almost got kicked out??? our lease specifically and unequivocally forbids pets of any kind???

 _James Potter:_  technicality, yes, but as mum owns the building, pretty sure i could sway her w/ wedding leverage

 _Lily Evans:_  we are NOT having swans, geese, ducks, or other fowl at our wedding. so no leverage for u.

 _James Potter:_  killjoy!!!!!

 

 

* * *

 

 

**week two.**

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter to Lily Evans:_  he is a SHE

 _Lily Evans:_  …?

 _James Potter:_  THE CAT

 _Lily Evans:_  how do u

 _Lily Evans:_  nvnmd

 _James Potter:_  check ur snaps!!!

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_ when u get home we need to talk abt appropriate things to snapchat.

 _Lily Evans:_  random example i’m pulling out of my arse: cats giving birth? 

 _Lily Evans_ : not appropriate!!

 _Lily Evans:_  also, are u under the bushes in front of your work?

 _James Potter:_  ITS JUST LIKE 101 DALMATIONS

 _James Potter:_  except cats!

 _James Potter:_  and six of them.

 _James Potter:_  seven including boots.

 _Lily Evans:_  boots?

 _James Potter:_  have u seen HER feet? boots.

 _James Potter:_  the Miracle of Life. 

 _James Potter_ : im transformed.

 _James Potter_ : i think i’m rethinking my position on kids                                    

 _Lily Evans:_  oh boy

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  babe. ur going to get fired for sending too many snapchats on work hours.

 _James Potter:_  my dad is the boss?

 _Lily Evans:_  he asked me to text sense into u. or to bribe u.

 _James Potter:_  rude.

 _James Potter_ : ...what kind of bribery

 _Lily Evans_ : not that kind

 _James Potter_ : just checking

 

* * *

 

 

**week three.**

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter to Lily Evans:_  ohmygodacrowtriedtokillmykittens

 _Lily Evans:_  1. not ur kittens

 _Lily Evans:_  2. crows are highly intelligent. i wouldn’t mess w/ it???

 _Lily Evans:_  prefer to marry u in one piece if possible

 _James Potter:_  whose side are u on??

 _Lily Evans:_  common sense

 _James Potter:_  do u know me at all???

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  was it u or my other fiancé who maxed out my library card limit

 _James Potter:_  yes. and mine. research for a work thing.

 _Lily Evans:_  How To Care For Feral Kittens. Protecting Your Wild Cat From Predators. Three Failsafe Methods for Domesticating A Feral Cat. Chicken Coop Construction. And like sixty kids books about cats??

 _Lily Evans:_  ??????????????????

 _James Potter:_  this IS technically a work thing, since its at work. 

 _Lily Evans:_  stretch, much? 

 _Lily Evans:_ cant believe remus let u check out 150 books.

 _James Potter:_  he is a Good, Supportive friend. and i have a LOT of free time this month. dad didnt want to stress me out. research is important, which you know! sixty kids books are to Read to the Kittens. good for development.

 _Lily Evans:_  ur dad took u off all projects bc he thought you’d be distracted w/ getting married.

 _James Potter:_  well im hyper-focused on this instead.

 _James Potter:_  and i can be! because we’re mostly done w/ planning, thanks to my gorgeous, intelligent, super efficient, soon-to-be wife. 

 _James Potter_ : and i love you.

 _Lily Evans:_  nice, but take a book back so i can rent mine. 

 _James Potter:_  im going to suggest you buy it on kindle, b/c its 2017??

 _Lily Evans:_  it’s the principle. reading is cathartic and an escape from my Many Stresses.

 _James Potter:_  gotta go. sirius just walked in w/ a work thing.

 _Lily Evans:_  well

 

* * *

 

 

**week four.**

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  pete told me ur trying to corral the cats into a paper box???

 _James Potter:_ traitor! did PETE ALSO TELL U its now crows, plural, and theyre trying to bait Boots out so they can get the kittens?

 _Lily Evans:_  he said that’s your story, yes

 _James Potter:_  it happened!

 _James Potter:_  and so i have to do this, for their safety and well-being.

 _James Potter:_  dad wouldn’t let me build a protective structure, so—

 _James Potter:_  im just—

 _Lily Evans:_  no.

 _James Potter:_ listenimgoingtobringthemallhome

 _James Potter:_  JUST until we can get them to a shelter 

 _Lily Evans:_  NO. james. u cant be the cat savior of the world??

 _James Potter_ : true, but i can be the cat savior of potter, inc.??

 _James Potter:_  or at least a foster cat dad.

 _Lily Evans:_  James. No. We both work 50 hour weeks and we are about to get married and we are about to go on honeymoon?????

 _James Potter:_  LILY. they need me. I need to save them.

 _Lily Evans:_  oh, babe. ur mom told me about the ducks.

 _James Potter:_ the ducks?

 _Lily Evans:_  when you were seven.

 _Lily Evans:_  is that what this is all about????

 _James Potter:_  sure?

 _James Potter:_  i mean…must be? i didn’t put two and two together, you know? but yeah. those ducks are, like, weighing really heavily on my…subconscious.

 _James Potter:_  i think if could all be resolved if u just give me like, 3 days

 _Lily Evans:_  1

 _James Potter:_  2

 _Lily Evans:_  deal

 _Lily Evans to James Potter:_  I saw ur ‘home sweet home’ Instagram btw

 _James Potter:_  stalker. come downstairs and see them.

 _Lily Evans:_  what took u four hours to get home?

 _James Potter:_  stopped by the vet to check them out. all looking great!

 _James Potter:_  and flea meds

 _James Potter:_  and vaccinations for boots

 _James Potter:_  aaaand the pet store to get a few necessities

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_ sirius said he’d disown you if you adopted seven cats

 _James Potter:_ liar.

 _Lily Evans:_ worth a try

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  six matching kitten sweaters is NOT a necessity

James Potter: disagree

 _Lily Evans_ : three hundred pounds???

 _James Potter:_  will be much easier to rehome them w/ the proper supplies

 _Lily Evans:_  unbelievable.

 _James Potter:_  actually got some great deals, believe it or not.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter:_ she was SO GOOD today. boots. she did not scratch me once and she put flea meds on her and shes all groomed and pretty.

 _James Potter:_  and LILY.

 _James Potter:_  come down and see them??? they need to meet their grandmum or theyll think you dont love them

 _Lily Evans:_  im allergic to cats?? and im not yet 22?

 _James Potter:_  u aren’t really allergic. and ur 104 in cat years.

 _Lily Evans:_  wow. im going to give u space tonight. the Sofa is yours.

 _Lily Evans:_  don’t get too cozy w/ them, potter.

 _James Potter:_  I think we know its too late for that, evans.

 _Lily Evans:_  veto. power.

 _James Potter to Lily Evans:_  ur really not coming down???

 _Lily Evans:_  one of us has to stay reasonable.

 _Lily Evans to James Potter:_  james. u cant just send me vids of drunk girls w/ a box of kittens

 _James Potter:_  can. did. will continue to.

 _James Potter:_  left ur fave wine on the stairs. drink some and come meet them??

 _James Potter:_  u could be the next youtube sensation.

 _Lily Evans:_  pass

 _Lily Evans:_  39 hrs, btw.

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter to Lily Evans:_  did u order takeout just for u??? and are u home?? u didn’t go to work??

 _Lily Evans:_  working from home, yes. can u deliver to our room?

 _James Potter:_  why don’t u…come down and get it yourself.

 _Lily Evans:_  ill starve

 _James Potter_ : im coming

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans:_  22 hrs 

 _James Potter:_  about that.

 _Lily Evans:_  james fleamont potter

 _James Potter:_  lil. im sorry. like i am in that we made a deal and I have to break it.

 _Lily Evans:_  JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER

 _James Potter:_  but im not in that im not sending them on the streets. i called ALL the shelters and they were all full! except for the no kill, which i wont do and neither will u, because im not marrying a heartless monster.

 _James Potter:_  and so were the cat fosters! apparently its peak cat shagging season or something???

 _James Potter:_ anyway i didn’t know and i did try and i AM sorry

 _Lily Evans:_  its ok.

 _James Potter:_  it is???

 _Lily Evans:_  well…I AM A REASONABLE PERSON but i am NOT heartless. we still cant keep them forever though!! i mean it!!!

 _Lily Evans:_  we can keep them until they’re ready to be rehomed tho. except they MUST be gone b4 the wedding.

 _James Potter:_  can we keep any of them???

 _Lily Evans:_  did u reread the lease?

 _James Potter:_  yes. they were very thorough, unfortunately. covered every loophole.

 _Lily Evans:_  two decades of being ur parents have trained them well

 _James Potter_ : come downstairs?????

 _Lily Evans_ : i have to stay strong

 _Lily Evans_ : ill bribe you to come upstairs tho

 _James Potter_ : ...what kind of bribery

 _Lily Evans_ : ;)

 

* * *

 

 

**week five.**

_James Potter to Lily Evans:_  soooo....we have a responsible foster mum from the agency coming to look at my babies tonight

 _Lily Evans:_  Good. im tired of living upstairs and I Miss u

 _James Potter to Lily Evans:_  can u come home to work this afternoon???

 _Lily Evans:_  to clean? how messy have you been keeping it downstairs?

 _James Potter:_  pls. I’m the clean one of this power couple!!!!

 _Lily Evans:_  tru

 _James Potter:_  its about work. apparently im setting a bad example for taking 9 days for paternity leave when i’m about to go on honeymoon? and they need me for a presentation.

 _James Potter:_  point is. I HAVE to go back whether we (the cats, me) are ready or not.

 _Lily Evans:_  there’s a lot i could say to that babe, but i’ll refrain because I Love You.

 _Lily Evans:_  wont they be fine w/out you? or me? i’ve made it this far w/out meeting them.

 _James Potter:_  no! they need constant supervision. they’re actually quite the handful. who knew!

 _Lily Evans:_  omg

 _James Potter:_  Tabitha is due for her antibiotics dose at 3

 _Lily Evans:_  1. uve named them. b. they’re on drugs???

 _James Potter:_  just Tabs. responsible fostering!!!

 _James Potter:_  we should really keep them until they’re old enough to be spayed and neutered, but I wont let them to go an irresponsible pet owner.

 _Lily Evans:_  god forbid

 _Lily Evans:_  OMYGOD u cannot just send me pictures of a baby kitten next to her antibiotics jar/??

 _James Potter:_  can and did

 _Lily Evans:_  if i fall in love w/ them, im never forgiving u

 _James Potter:_  thx babe. ill make it up to u.

 _Lily Evans:_  so many sexual favors, potter

 _James Potter:_  *wink emoji* *cat emoji*

 _Lily Evans:_  ew. bad combo

 _James Potter:_  yea

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  FUCK

 _Lily Evans:_  f.u.c.k.

 _James Potter:_  what happened?????

 _Lily Evans_ : FUCKKKKKKKKKK

 _James Potter:_  ARE THEY OKAY???? 

 _James Potter_ : also, are you ok

 _Lily Evans:_  they are fine. Just. Fine.

 _Lily Evans:_  I am not tho

 _James Potter:_  are u really allergic???

 _Lily Evans:_  only to common sense

 _James Potter:_  u fell in love, didn’t u

 _Lily Evans_ : NO

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  damn it. damn u. damn them, too.

 _Lily Evans:_  except not really

 _James Potter:_  it’s okay

 _Lily Evans:_  sorry for my derision and cynicism

 _Lily Evans:_  this wld only be better if i were drunk

 _James Potter:_ i guess you’ll never be internet famous babe

 

* * *

 

 

_Lily Evans to James Potter:_  did u name the others???

 _James Potter:_  i left brown one. striped one. and w/ the heart on the nose for you

 _Lily Evans_ : yes i could tell because you MADE THEM COLLARS

 _James Potter:_ the one w/ the heart on the nose though

 _Lily Evans:_  SHE IS MY FAVORITE I LOVE HER

 _James Potter:_  can u really bear to part her from her siblings and mum???

 _Lily Evans:_  im not a Monster. of course not!

 _Lily Evans:_  but we’ll need a nanny???

 _Lily Evans:_  and a bigger flat.

 _James Potter:_  mum is thrilled actually. about grand-mumming it. not the flat.

 

* * *

 

 

_James Potter:_  bad news: meant to tell u btw, she is ABSOLUTELY kicking us out.

 _James Potter:_  good news: may have a few house showings scheduled for us for next week, so

 _Lily Evans:_  did u knew this was going to happen to me???

 _James Potter:_  *kiss emoji*

 _Lily Evans:_  did u really even have a meeting at work???

 _James Potter:_  you’ll never know. give the babies a kiss me for me. ill grab takeout & be home soon.


End file.
